Lies and deception again

Looting of truth has occurred

New life is brought into pain

It all escapes me

Is there a point to any of it

Can a intelligent person find a way to justify it

Sadness comes forth

Anger is there but fleeting

It has been exhausted in times past

Acceptance is finally on the table

This grieving process concludes

It seems such a waste for there is no death

These people appear to have been preprogrammed

The intervention occurred

After years of trust and love

Sacrifice and teaching

They came to nothing

It is almost inconceivable

Am I an alien in this strange world of family

I appear to have a different definition

Of family

These others

They use the word

They play a part

Until it does not suit them

They leave

Then take it up again later

When it temporarily suits them again

Its all fake

They cherry pick information and emotion

To suit their lies

I go back to the beginning

I ponder and look

I was there and yet

Something so different

Somehow came out of the same source

It confuses me

I look for the how

And there is no answer

It makes no sense

It was imperfect

There was pain and confusion

I wear those scars

But cannot see how it could become this

They do not express the experience

They are on their own path

A downward spiral

Finding new lows in our lineage

As I take note

There is gratitude in my heart

That I chose the forward path

Not regression

Devolution

The gap has widened too far

Once there was still possibility

No longer is that so

I held out the prayer

The desire for healing there

But is has been rejected

There are no more rejections possible

Time has run out

I cannot allow those who claim love

To lie and deceive

I deserve better

I know what my definition of family is

They do not fit

I will stop hoping that they will

For hope is the victimization of hopelessness

It does not suit me

I am not a victim

I choose love and freedom

Gratitude for the grace

It is done

 

Engtovo ~ October 17, 2009