Comments (0)

By Engtovo, October 16, 2009 11:03 pm

Lies and deception again

Looting of truth has occurred

New life is brought into pain

It all escapes me

Is there a point to any of it

Can a intelligent person find a way to justify it

Sadness comes forth

Anger is there but fleeting

It has been exhausted in times past

Acceptance is finally on the table

This grieving process concludes

It seems such a waste for there is no death

These people appear to have been preprogrammed

The intervention occurred

After years of trust and love

Sacrifice and teaching

They came to nothing

It is almost inconceivable

Am I an alien in this strange world of family

I appear to have a different definition

Of family

These others

They use the word

They play a part

Until it does not suit them

They leave

Then take it up again later

When it temporarily suits them again

Its all fake

They cherry pick information and emotion

To suit their lies

I go back to the beginning

I ponder and look

I was there and yet

Something so different

Somehow came out of the same source

It confuses me

I look for the how

And there is no answer

It makes no sense

It was imperfect

There was pain and confusion

I wear those scars

But cannot see how it could become this

They do not express the experience

They are on their own path

A downward spiral

Finding new lows in our lineage

As I take note

There is gratitude in my heart

That I chose the forward path

Not regression

Devolution

The gap has widened too far

Once there was still possibility

No longer is that so

I held out the prayer

The desire for healing there

But is has been rejected

There are no more rejections possible

Time has run out

I cannot allow those who claim love

To lie and deceive

I deserve better

I know what my definition of family is

They do not fit

I will stop hoping that they will

For hope is the victimization of hopelessness

It does not suit me

I am not a victim

I choose love and freedom

Gratitude for the grace

It is done

Engtovo ~ October 17, 2009

Comments (0)

By Engtovo, September 10, 2008 10:57 pm

Dark brooding space

The pit so deep

It is never filled

Tugging at me

Pulling

Pulling

Grasping on the edge

Dirt under my fingernails

Failing

Falling

Never ending drop

Suspended there

Indefinitely

Queasy

Breaking

Absence of air

Like drowning

In no water

No true emotions

Just falsity all around

No hearts

Just zombies

An underworld

Somehow it’s mine

But I don’t want it

I feel myself

I am becoming one of them

Cold

Empty

Lost

Hear me

Screaming

Gasping

Crying

Dying here

Within myself

Seeking

The slightest ray of light

To release me

Engtovo ~ September 10, 2008

Comments (0)

By Engtovo, September 9, 2008 11:02 pm

Why do I do it again

I don’t understand

What is different here

It is like there is a separate set of laws

An alternate reality

That appears to be the same

Simple things won’t work here

Understandings come

Nothing changes

Is that possible

A long constant

A battle that is unending

Bleeding flow

Leaving me tried

Unable to function

Death and life are the same here

They linger with a stench

The corpses walk though actions

The meaning out of grasp

Not knowing if they are dead or alive

They seek life

But they are denied

They seek death fully

And they are denied

This walk between the worlds

It consumes me

I am left to function as ashes

There are no connections

I thirst but there is no water here

Only sand and dirt

My ashes are spread

They cannot touch

Fading

But still feeling

There is no reunion

Only black dirt

That stands between us

We are expected to nourish

But we are nothing

Have nothing

But this long constant

Engtovo ~ September 10, 2008

Comments (0)

By Engtovo, August 31, 2008 11:02 pm

Candle burns quickly

Betraying the shifting of time

It is done but unseen in this moment

It is bigger than expected

So big I feel pulled to it

When it was to be pulled to me

I give up pieces of myself willingly

They are no longer needed

But the discomfort of them leaving

Envelops this moment

It’s a journey planned but unknown

Its outline rough

The details shifting with each passing day

Mind desires to pin it down

Spirit knows better than to try

I reach my hand out to touch it

It is fuzzy and soft

Warm and comforting

But the other side is shielded

It is that side that will have to be tolerated

It is not the whole

Not even half

But it comes with the deal

It is the small print

The unspoken

It won’t last long

But each moment of it filled with demands

It cannot be avoided

It cannot be embraced

It is just what is

Human nature will make its so

I walk alone into this undefined plan

Knowing others will join me there

But I can’t help but hesitate

Wonder

Dream

Of a circle of hands

Walking in together

It’s foolish thinking

Wanting something that is asking too much

But the heart yearns

And the mind follows

Engtovo ~ August 31, 2008

Comments (0)

By Engtovo,

Shiver hits

Races up the spine

Familiar energy

A gift of acknowledgment

Though it is felt

Mood remains unchanged

Melancholy

Searching

Questioning everything

Tears well and recede

There is no subject matter

Just release

Attempted understanding

Neither head nor heart

Offer up information

There is a void

A heaviness

A slow aching pull

To unknown places

Something is being birthed

It labors in my chest

It’s insatiable

Uncomfortable

Confined

Cut the strings

Set it forth

Something good must come of this

A final push of emotion

I feel it

It is uncertain

Wild

Uncontrollable

What am I supposed to do with this

Run toward it

Run away

Be still

I fear no good can come of this

My fear

I know it better than I know myself

It wrote my history

How much longer must it write the future

Engtovo ~ August 31, 2008

Comments (0)

By Engtovo, August 30, 2008 10:45 pm

Needy

Grasping

Pushing pulling

Confusion of familiarity

Aching

Turning

Sending receiving

Puzzle pieces missing

Heart calls out

No answers looming

Clock keeps ticking

Why can’t it be clear

Control fading

Something looming

Feelings unprepared

Fire burning

Sweet light nearing

Meaning can’t be found

Turmoil inside

Insanity outside

Peace is still not found

Engtovo ~ August 30, 2008

Comments (0)

By Engtovo, June 14, 2008 7:11 am

Temptation past

To do for

No longer a question

Each will contribute

Equally from the divine

No burdens

Do we carry

There is only joy

Re-seeding all that is good

Rebuilding

Requires no sacrifice

Hearts joining

Unison of vision

Beauty

There is peace

In the sounds blending

Sweetness and innocence

Offered to all

Trust is complete

Above and below

Individuality

Without separation

The saboteurs gone

Each one is giddy

Thrilled

Hands filled with rainbows

Colored rays

Blending out to infinity

This view has never been seen

It was chosen

Envisioned

Created

And it is good

Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

Comments (1)

By Engtovo,

Waters move

Mountains reach higher

Some blow their tops

The earth shakes and shivers

Animals sleep

Overseen by divine hands

A world is being reborn

It looks difficult

Painful

But it is no different

Than the butterfly

Ripping open the chrysalis

There is already a new earth

It is right under the crust

It is formed

In the image of perfection

Ready to burst forth

When the chrysalis

Is finally ripped apart

Earth mother will sit

While her symbolic wings dry

These continents when dry

Will fill with new life

The humans of the new earth

Will be free

Of their past incarnation as caterpillar

They will not crawl and toil and struggle

They will fly free

With joy

Bringing fertility to the new earth

With harmony

All will live as one

There will be no veil

Between earth and spirit

All creatures

Will feel the full love of creation

The suns

Blue and yellow will shine forth

Their full light

Illuminating day and night

The stars will shine

But there will be no full darkness

Laughter and song

Will fill the night

And the day

The rains will nurture the lands

The snows will fill the high mountains

Springs giving life to new rivers

Flowers blooming

Fruits pouring forth

Skies clear and pure

New earth

With the perfect innocence

Of the fluttering of butterfly wings

Being chased by

Joyous children laughing

Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

Comments (0)

By Engtovo,

Done

Let go

Transmute

Heart is heavy

But easing

Sacrifice done

Freedom reigns now

The worth complex

The outcome decided

There is relief

We choose joy

We choose easy

There is little understanding

Big picture obscured

For others

But not for us

The choice feels right

Nothing left to do

Those who work

Are guided

They are already journeying

The others are too late

It’s ok

They can be too late

They will come again

Transformation

It will be done

Then they will understand

The choice is for joy

A life which they know not

Yet…

Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

Comments (0)

By Engtovo, March 2, 2008 12:14 am

Woman

Presentation skewed

By a brainwashed populace

If woman is soft

She is weak

If woman shows strength

She is hard

Cold

A bitch

But woman is soft

Softness is her strength

It is where her knowing was born

When she presents truth

It is met with anger

Because the sheep

They are used to lies

It allows them to sleep gently

Truth dares jar them awake

They blame woman

Say she is harsh and nasty

Woman responds

You sleep little sheep

Truth it simply is

They band together

Attack woman more

Listen to nothing

Man comes along

Says same thing woman has said

Sheep worship him

Think he is strong

When he only stole woman’s words

Think he is kind and warm

While he lies

And takes their power

No wrong can be done by man

In the world corrupted by shame

No right can be done by woman

In the world corrupted by shame

A woman cannot lead

In a world of brainwashed sheep

Woman expects them to think

To participate

Man says only to follow

Soon women attack woman

Following the lead of man

Eventually the only women still on earth

Living the truth of woman

Keep silent

Knowing none can hear

Pray and wait

One day man will show himself

That day

True woman will come forth

Children will be taught

The truth of woman

And the truth of man that was lost

And women will be women

And men will be true men

Balance will be found

Engtovo ~ March 2, 2008